Pain, Pain Go Away
by AminalLuv
Summary: What else but a post Partings fic. It started out as a one shot detailing what happened between Lorelai and Chris but I've decided to continue it. There's only one way to find out where it will lead. ON HIATUS
1. Seeking Solice

"I'm having a really bad night. I just don't want to be alone." Tears glistened in Lorelai's eyes. Christopher moved aside to let her in. She walked past him towards the living room.

Chris stood frozen by the door for a few seconds, not sure what to think, how to act. He knew Rory was fine; if something had happened to her, Lorelai would surely be with her and not here. What else would she come to him for? What could she not talk to Luke about? And it suddenly hit him in a glorious, yet sickening way. Something had happened with Luke. He smirked glumly as he closed the door and tried to push back the feelings of guilt and self-hatred rumbling in his gut.

"Lor." he said softly as he walked into the living room where Lorelai sat slumped and motionless on his plush, upholstered chair. His grin was gone, replaced with a partially sincere look of concern. He loved Lorelai, as he always had, and didn't want her to be hurt so badly, but the thought that she had chosen him as the one she wanted to lessen the pain was a stroke to his ego…among other things. "Lor, what's the matter." he continued as he kneeled beside the chair and looked into her eyes, they were empty. _God, I am such an asshole,_ he thought briefly as he tore his eyes away from the void in hers, _how can this possibly be bringing me any sort of joy?_ And then he imagined holding Lorelai, imagined being the one to return the spark that had been lost from those watery blue eyes. And then he imagined kissing her, undressing her, making love to her. He quickly stood up before she had a chance to read him. "Can I get you anything? Water? Tequila?"

Lorelai nodded her head in response to the offer but she didn't speak, what would she say? Would she tell Christopher what happened? She wasn't entirely sure what _had_ happened. She didn't want to think about it. She tried not to think about anything as she watched Chris walk to the wet bar, unlock the cabinet, and take out the bottle of Jose Cuervo. Chris would take care of her. He would make the pain go away. Lorelai tried hard not to think about Luke as she watched Chris grab a couple of shot glasses and make his way back to her.

"Here you go." He set the shot glasses on the table and filled them. He handed one to Lorelai and sat down on the love seat that sat perpendicular to her chair. As he reached his hand out to grab the remaining shot, Lorelai picked it up instead and replaced it with her own empty glass. "Hey there Hemingway," he said as lightly as he could, "I'm all for using alcohol as a coping method but try to take it a little easy." he gave a small, transient grin.

"I'm sorry," she told him, even though she wasn't.

"Sorry for what?" He cocked his head with interest at finally hearing her speak.

"You shouldn't have to take care of me like this, like you did after Lane's wedding." But she knew he would and she wanted him to. She wanted him to comfort her and show her the love that Luke hadn't shown at the diner earlier that night. Chris could love her and he would never break her heart like Luke had. Chris had failed her a lot in her life but he'd never break her heart, his grip was only strong enough for a little bruising.

"Taking care of you isn't a job Lor, besides I owe you for taking care of my kid the last 22 years." He said slightly jokingly. "Now tell me what's wrong." he added softly and pleadingly.

For a long time she did not answer him. They sat in silence- awkward, uneasy, silence. And yet there was a strange comfort in it that eventually led Lorelai to speak. "It's over." She said flatly.

"What's over? A fight? So you'll make up, you'll put it behind you. It'll be OK."

"No, not a fight. All of it. It's all over. I screwed up, he screwed up. It just all got so screwed up." she sobbed, the tears leaving her eyes and rolling down her cheeks for the first time since she'd gotten there.

"He? Luke? Did you and Luke…break-up?" he asked tentatively as though he had just figured it out.

She looked up at him sadly to confirm without words. She poured herself another shot before continuing. "I asked him to marry me. He said he wanted to marry me. And then there was April and I tried to be patient but he shut me out. He said he wanted to wait and I tried to wait but I couldn't do it anymore. He wanted to wait and I didn't want to wait and I wanted be a part of his life but he wasn't ready to let me and everything was so tense and I wasn't happy and I tried to pretend like I was happy but I couldn't pretend anymore." She was frantic by the end and Chris almost couldn't understand her but he understood the look in her eyes and the look said her and Luke were broken beyond repair. He was happy and he hated himself for it, but only for a moment.

Chris slid off the sofa and knelt in front of Lorelai. He looked directly into her eyes. "It'll be OK. If you love each other, you'll work it out." but he secretly prayed he was wrong. He knew he was being an asshole; he knew he should _try_ to be a better man, but this was Lorelai and he wanted her so badly that he didn't care.

"No, we won't." Lorelai told him as she looked back into his eyes. At that moment she allowed herself to fully realize the reason she had come to Chris in the first place. This would put an end to everything. Luke would never forgive her and she didn't want him to. He had denied her, refused to elope with her and if she couldn't start a new life with him, she would start a new life without him. Either way, it was time to move on with her life. Besides, a little bit of comfort, and a moment of pleasure were two things she could use right now.

She rested her hands on his shoulders and leaned forward until their foreheads touched. She paused there, feeling his breath growing shorter and shallower and she knew he wanted her. After a few moments had passed she brought her lips down to his and kissed him passionately. He placed his right hand against the seat next to her and used it to push himself up to meet her. He positioned his other hand on her hip, needing to feel her, to know it was true. He could taste the tears on her lips and he wasn't quite sure how he felt about it but he didn't stop.

The kiss lingered for several seconds before he finally pulled away. "We shouldn't Lor." he protested mostly as formality, though he would respect any decision she made despite his growing excitement.

"Yes we should." she assured him.

"But you and…" he began again, just to give her one more chance to back out.

"We're over. I can't wait for him anymore; I need to be happy again." she told him and herself.

"I'm glad to help." he told her. He was almost glowing on the inside and this time he let himself enjoy the feeling guilt-free. He took her hand in his as he stood up. She followed suit and he led her to the bedroom.


	2. Telling Lies

AN: I know I said this was going to be a 1 shot but I lied. Of course the first chapter had over 200 hits and only 1 review so maybe that means it sucks and you're all too nice to tell me. Please let me know what you think of it either way so I don't waste my time on something crappy. Thanks.

* * *

"_G.G.! Come back here," _Lorelai woke up to Christopher's voice. She'd been dozing on and off all night but she never fell asleep long enough to forget where she was or what had happened.

"_Who's that?"_ G.G's voice was loud and clear and Lorelai knew she had come in the room. She didn't care; she just lay there, pretending to still be asleep.

"_Shh! That's your Aunt Lorelai," _Chris told his daughter.

"_Is she sick?"_ the little girl asked innocently.

"_No!" _he assured her. _"Miriam…"_ he addressed the nanny.

"_Sorry Mr. Hayden," _the woman apologized.

Lorelai continued to lay motionless as the little girl spoke again. _"I don't like to wear my nightgown to bed when I'm sick either," she_ said precociously.

"_I'll explain later," _Christopher told G.G. _"Have fun at school. Bye bye hon."_

Lorelai heard the bedroom door close and she knew G.G. and the nanny had left. After a few seconds she felt Christopher climb back into bed. He snuggled up behind and put his arm around her. He was happy, Lorelai could feel it. She didn't blame him; she knew he would take any scrap of affection he could get from her, she'd expected it. She felt a little sorry for him, she felt sorry for Luke, but she mostly felt sorry for herself.

As Christopher snuggled his way as close to Lorelai as possible he breathed her in. The scent of her hair lingered in his nose. Her perfume mingled with the beads of sweat that had dried on her after they had finished having sex. It was so faint after the long night that only someone as finely tuned into her as he was would even know she was wearing any perfume at all. He smiled to himself; he was happy. Perhaps it was wrong of him to be so happy when Lorelai was so miserable but he didn't know how long she would be willing to take comfort in him. He had to make the most of it while he could.

Christopher closed his eyes and began to daydream. He imagined all the possibilities the future held for him and Lorelai. He wasn't foolish enough to believe any of them would come true, but he held onto the faint hope that they could. He held her tighter, willing time to stop so that he would never have to lose that hope.

Unable to cope with the thought of facing a new day, Lorelai closed her eyes and imagined the last time she had laid in Luke's arms this way. It had been a while. She tried to pretend anyway but she kept coming back to the realization that it would always be pretend from now on. She would never lie in Luke's arms again. The tears began to well in her eyes.

Just as he began to doze off again, Christopher was reawoken by a soft sniffling. "Lor? You OK?" he propped himself up on one arm to try to get a look at her face.

She couldn't pretend to be asleep anymore, though she desperately wished she could. She forced a weak smile as she looked up at Chris. "Sure, I'm fine" she lied.

"Can I get you anything? Huge cup of coffee? Big, hearty breakfast? Anything I can do to make you feel better." He promised her. _Even if it means repeating last night over and over and over again,_ he added to himself.

Chris leaned over and kissed Lorelai softly on the forehead. "Breakfast would be good," she answered. It was such an innocent, naive moment from him. She was sure that deep down he knew better but she still couldn't bear to break his heart; she'd already broken Luke's and her own.

"Breakfast it is," Lorelai watched him get up and put his robe on. He turned around and looked back at her. "Take you're time, I'll let you know when it's ready."

Lorelai stayed in bed for a few minutes, trying to muster the courage to get up; the courage to face Chris and his breakfast, to face the moment when she told Luke she'd slept with Chris and the moment she gave him his ring back; trying to find the courage to face the future without him. Finally, she sat up, searching the room for her dress. When she found it she got out of bed and slipped the silk over her head.

"Lor, is that you?" Christopher's voice echoed from the kitchen as she walked through the living room.

"Just a minute," she answered back. She picked up her purse lying next to the chair she'd sat in the previous night. She pulled out her phone and flipped it open… "_8 missed calls"_ it blinked at her. She closed the phone and walked into the kitchen.


	3. Waking Up

AN: Sorry for the shortness. I wanted to post something this weekend before things get even crazier then they already are. Wednesday I have to perform my first surgery ever. Then next Monday I have an exam, then I have to be anesthetist for another surgery that Wed, then another test Fri and the next Mon and then I have to assist on another surgery and take one last exam that Fri. So long story short, don't get disocuraged if you don't hear from me for a few weeks. I didn't forget you guys or this story. But just because I don't have time to write doesn't mean I don't have time to read your super fantabulous feedback (wink wink)

* * *

As Luke came slowly to, he wondered why his neck hurt so much. He realized after a few moments that he was sitting up and his confusion grew until the memory of the previous night came back to him. He opened his eyes slowly and deliberately, praying he would see what he knew wasn't there. Light from the window illuminated the perfectly made bed on the other side of the room- empty. The clock on the nightstand glowed red at him- 6:58. The last time he had looked at that clock it had been 3:32 and he knew she wasn't coming home. Still, he waited in the chair, not wanting to sleep until he saw her again. But sleep had come; sleep had come, and Lorelai had not.

That fight, that stupid fight. _"I can't just jump like this," _he had told her. But why couldn't he jump? Hadn't there been a time when he would have jumped double-dutch jump rope while wearing a tutu just to get her to look at him? He had to think of April though. He was a father now; he had to be a father first. But why couldn't he be a father and husband? Why did he have to choose?

He had been angry at Lorelai. He had been so angry he hadn't followed her when she'd walked away from him. She had come totally out of left field with her whole elopement speech. Everything had been going so well. He was really growing accustomed to fatherhood and he was looking forward to married life. And Lorelai had been so great about it all. She understood that he had to make things right with April. She understood why he had to postpone the wedding. She had given him the time and space he had needed. That should have been his first clue that something was wrong. Lorelai was always the type to push him, to force him to grow and change. Shouldn't he have noticed that the woman he loved wasn't acting like the woman he had fallen in love with? He had been angry at Lorelai but now he was mostly angry at himself.

The sharp pain that shot up Luke's neck as he tried to sit up straight was a welcome distraction from his thoughts. In a moment the pain was gone and the hurt returned. He debated staying in that chair as long as it took for Lorelai to return home, but he knew he couldn't do that. He wasn't even sure where she went and there was no telling when she would return. Perhaps she had gone to Rory's who would surely spend the day trying to take her mother's mind off things. _She wouldn't want to burden Rory on her last night with Logan, _a small voice in his head told him. Perhaps she had gone to Sookie's. _You drove by last night and her Jeep wasn't there._ She might have gone to her parents… _If the world went completely Outer Limits_. At which point he forced himself to stop thinking of where she might be.

Luke decided to go to work. Lorelai would know to come to the diner, especially after the half dozen phone messages he's left her. Caeser would be wondering where he was anyhow. He stood up from his chair and rolled his head around, trying to work the kink out of his neck. He tried to convince himself that Lorelai would be calmer today; she was just upset last night. Her parents had probably been bugging her about the wedding at dinner. He was sure she hadn't meant what she'd said; she'd just been upset. Lorelai wouldn't leave him, they were in love. _Sometimes love isn't enough_, the pesky voice reminded him.


	4. Half Truths

AN: Again, sorry for the shortness. I'm just crazy busy and I figured short chapters more frequently are better than trying to save up a whole bunch of material for long chapters. On a side note, I got through my first surgery and I didn't kill the dog. Yippee! Now if I can just get through 2 more surgeries and 4 exams in the next 2 weeks without killing myself I might have some time to breath and maybe write a little more ;) Thanks for the reviews and keep 'em coming please. It'll keep my spirits up during these next 2 hell weeks.

* * *

"Morning," Christopher greeted Lorelai as she walked into the kitchen. His voice was more solemn than it had been in the bedroom. Reality was starting to set in and he knew things were about to get very uncomfortable. "I'm almost finished up here- cheese omelets and sausage." 

"Nice," she said, her voice flat as she fell into one of the chairs surrounding the kitchen table. There was silence for a few moments except for the sound of grease sizzling in the frying pan.

The food was finally done and Chris brought a plate over to Lorelai along with a hot cup of black coffee. He grabbed the other plate he had made up and brought it over to the table, sitting himself across from Lorelai.

Christopher stared into his eggs, trying to find the courage to speak. Finally he looked up at Lorelai who was staring blankly across the room, not eating. "Lor…" he began. Lorelai knew what he was going to say but she let him continue anyway. "About last night…" he paused for a moment. "I just want you to know that I didn't mean for…I mean, I wasn't trying to…I'm sorry," he finally conceded.

Lorelai sighed deeply and forced herself to focus her eyes on the man sitting across from her. "You have nothing to be sorry for Christopher," she assured him. "I wouldn't have come here if I didn't want something to happen. I knew that if I came here, if I asked you to, that you'd sleep with me. I used you. I shouldn't have done that. I just, I really needed to feel loved."

"And Luke doesn't make you feel loved?" Chris asked, truly concerned. Lorelai always deserved to feel loved and cherished. He wasn't able to give her that, not consistently. It wasn't that he didn't feel that way; he was just never sure how to show it.

"Oh, Christopher." Lorelai sighed. "Can we not do this? Things are just too confusing. There are too many mixed emotions."

"So that's it then? You're just going to come here and sleep with me and then push me away again?"

"Well you're pretty damn easy to push Christopher," emotion came back to Lorelai. "You always come back into my life in this really big way and then when I don't want exactly what you want, you leave. It's always all or nothing with you. Just because I don't want to marry you or something doesn't mean I don't want you to be a part of my life. Did it ever occur to you to just stick around and try being a friend?"

"First of all, you came into _my_ life, Lorelai. Mine," Chris bit back. "You came to _my_ apartment and you sat in _my_ chair and you kissed _me_. It was your idea to sleep together. So maybe I didn't fight it. I didn't fight it because I love you and I want to be with you. But I'm not stupid Lorelai. I know you'll never let me into you life, not the way I want you to and that hurts. It hurts sometimes more than I can take, so I don't. I just leave so I won't have to deal with the pain."

"Welcome to the world Chris. There's pain. There's lots of it. You deal. You don't run away every time things don't go your way. That's spoiled and childish and stupid."

"I know that. I'm trying here, Lor. You think it's easy for me to sit here after what happened last night and ask you about Luke? It's not. But I'm trying to be supportive; I'm trying to be the friend you need because I want you to be happy."

"No, you want me to be happy with you." Lorelai called him on his half truth.

"Well that would be ideal, now wouldn't it?" Chris quietly agreed.

There was silence for a moment. "I should go. I have places to be," she told him as she stood up from the table.

"You mean people to see?" he asked, knowing the answer already.

"Goodbye Chris. Don't be a stranger," she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll show myself out." Lorelai turned and walked out of the apartment.


	5. No Say

Lorelai sat in her Jeep outside the diner, parked far enough away that Luke couldn't see her through the window. She closed her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat. Fingering the piece of paper on the seat next to her she opened her eyes and unfolded the piece of loose leaf.

_I waited for you but you didn't come home. _

_Please talk to me._

_**I love you.**_

The note was short but to Lorelai it said a thousand things. His handwriting was shaky and uncertain, as though he wasn't sure he wanted to talk at all; as though he knew where a talk would lead; as though he knew where she had been last night; as though he knew it were over but he wouldn't let himself believe it. The words "I love you" were bigger and set apart from the rest of the note and Lorelai could almost feel the words pleading with her.

Lorelai sighed, thinking of what she had to do. She had to let him go. She didn't want to but she couldn't stay in a relationship that was moving backwards instead of forwards. It was as though everyday her wedding got farther and farther away. She took one more second to gather her courage before stepping out of the car.

* * *

Luke stood behind the counter pretending to work. The truth was, Caesar was doing all of the cooking and Lane was serving all the customers. Luke would occasionally wake from his daze long enough to fill a cup of coffee, then he'd go back to mindlessly fidgeting with the damp rag he used to wipe the counters. 

The bell above the door rang as someone entered the diner. Luke's head shot up as it had every time the door had opened all morning. He had almost given up on seeing Lorelai standing there but as he let his eyes focus on the person standing in the threshold he realized it was her.

After a few seconds he released the breath he had been holding in. Lorelai walked slowly to the counter. He could see the sadness in her eyes and he tried to interpret it- was she still upset about the wedding or was she upset about the fight? Or was it something else entirely, something he wouldn't let himself consider?

When she finally reached him, they both just stood there silently, not sure how to begin. After a few awkward moments Luke finally began to feel all the eyes in the diner staring, burning with curiosity. Desperate to leave the prying eyes behind, he made the first move. "We should…umm..." he nodded his head in the direction of the stairs to his apartment.

"Yeah," Lorelai agreed softly. "We should talk alone." She motioned her way around the counter and followed Luke into the back and up the stairs.

Lane watched them disappear. She really hoped they'd work it out. She had missed the fight but from what she'd heard it had been really bad. And Luke had looked so lost when he'd come in that morning. This was worse than when they'd broken up last year. He'd been sad then sure, but he'd emoted. He'd emoted so much people were scared to come to the dinner. But today he was showing no emotion at all. He just looked like a scared little child, and seeing a man like Luke looking like that way made Lane _feel_ like a scared little child. She _really_ hoped they'd work it out.

* * *

Each step sent a wave of nausea through Lorelai, starting at her feet and moving up to her throat. She didn't realize her feet could feel nauseous but they did. This would probably be the last time she walked these stairs. 

Luke opened the door to his apartment and they both walked in. "Do you want some coffee…no, wait," he stumbled. "The coffee's downstairs. How about some water… or juice? I have juice." He rammbled on.

Lorelai opened her mouth to say she didn't need anything but she immediately felt how dry she'd already gone. "Water's fine."

Luke grabbed two bottles of water from his refrigerator and brought them over to the round table in the middle of the room. He sat and Lorelai did the same, this was definitely a sitting conversation.

"So…" Luke said. He didn't have anything to follow it but a "so" was usually a good way to start off a difficult conversation.

"Listen Luke," Lorelai began. "I'm sorry about last night."

Luke momentarily perked up. "It's OK, I'm…" Lorelai cut him off before he could get any further.

"I really just need to get this out, Luke. Please just listen first."

"Right," he nodded and sat back in his chair.

"I'm sorry about last night, about how it went down, but I need you to know that I don't take back anything I said." Lorelai could almost see the tiny bit of light still in Luke's eyes dim but she continued on anyway. "I swear I didn't want to make you choose. April's your daughter and she should be in your life. But I'm your fiancée and I should be in your life too."

"You are. Lorelai, you're in my life completely. I told you I was all in and I meant it."

"That's just it Luke. You were all in, past tense. Not anymore. You've shut me out. And everyday June 3 gets closer and closer and our wedding seems to get farther and farther."

"That's not true. I'm not shutting you out, I'm just trying to get to know my daughter," Luke argued.

"Right, your daughter. And if you were thinking about our wedding you'd realize that your daughter would become my step-daughter. If she's going to be a part of your life you then can't keep me out of her life, because if you do than you're keeping me out of _your_ life."

"I don't want to keep you out of my life, Lorelai. I just need more time to figure it all out. You just have to give me a little more time," he pleaded.

"I'm all out of time Luke." Lorelai reached across the table and took Luke's hand in hers'. "I don't have any more time left to give you." She told him sadly. She pulled her hand away and stood up from the table. "I'm sorry."

Luke opened his hand and looked at the diamond in it, then up at the woman he loved. "So that's it? I don't have a say in this. You're just going to walk away from me, from us, from everything we have."

"I told you last night Luke, 'now or never.' You had your say. You said 'not now'."

"But I didn't say 'never.' I _want_ to marry you Lorelai. I love you."

"You shouldn't," she told him.

"I don't really have a say in the matter."

"Well then let me have my say…" she paused for a moment preparing herself for the next words that would leave her mouth. "I slept with Christopher last night."

* * *

AN- I know I'm evil, guess you'll just have to wait to find out Luke's response. In the mean time you KNOW you want to leave a review...I'm a feedback whore. ;)


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